What is cricket's answer to "hara-kiri", to "going the deep six", to "walking the plank", to "falling on your sword", to "going outside and being some time", to "taking one for the team, in the most sincere manner possible"? I know not, only that the Australian cricket captain Michael Clarke has to find out, urgently. And then do it.

It was Clarke's own commendable admission after the third Test that the Australian team had been "playing with just 10 men", not including him, so ordinary had his form been, and it is bleeding obvious that the only thing that changed in this Test, on current figures, is that we appear to be down to just three men, four at best – not including Clarke.

Yes, he notched up his first century in this Ashes series after the first innings, 104 runs, but the problem is it has taken him seven innings to do so, and four Tests, for an average of about 17 – from a player whose Test average is about 50. In the second innings he didn't even make the magic number of 17, being dismissed for 13. Fast bowler Mitchell Johnson, meanwhile, has 136 runs and is averaging 23. Not only has Clarke had no centuries this year, he hasn't even had a half-century, with a top score of just 47!

What more proof do you need, that the 34-year-old "Pup" is now an Old Dog who has no new tricks, and that life's a bitch? What more evidence do you want, that we cannot keep picking someone that doesn't score, no matter how illustrious their previous career has been?

Michael, it's over. You've been an extraordinary player, the best of your generation. You've been a great servant of the game in general, and Australian cricket in particular.

But ... it's over.

Of course, you'll have your defenders, possibly including yourself, but what is the alternative?

Persist? Hope for an Indian summer, a return to form in the next Test, next series, next summer?

Why?

It is too late. After a debacle like this – all out for 60; Australia humiliated to historical proportions; the Ashes lost; dead lucky to push the English into the third day; and reduced to doing a victory lap if we win so much as the toss before the fifth Test – someone has to pay the piper.

If not you, who?

Not Brad Haddin or Shane Watson. They were judged, rightly, as too old and too meagre in performance to hold on. Both were made to walk the plank, and both did so with extraordinary grace. If that was good enough for them, why not for you?

Your successor as captain is obvious. Steve Smith. The need for rejuvenation of the side is even more obvious.

You have to go.

Do it gracefully.

Don't make the selectors say, "Here's your hat and what's your hurry?" Just take off your baggy green, wave it to the crowd, take a deep bow, and we will all applaud warmly for a great career.

Well played.

But, see ya.

Bye, bye Alan

Alan Jones and Adam Goodes – so many points, so little time.

But the bottom line is this: the SCG Trust, that prestigious and influential body which has responsibility for running the SCG, has to let one or other of them go. You be the judge who . . .

Jones is on the Trust, and has been for 20 years. Goodes, who has played matches on the SCG more than anyone, ever, is an Ambassador for them.

Among the Trust's stated values: "We embrace diversity, value differences and respect our communities . . ."

The Trust is not strong on booing, with their spectator code of conduct saying patrons must: "Not engage in any conduct, act towards or speak to any player, umpire, referee or other official or other patron in a manner which offends, insults, humiliates, intimidates, threatens, disparages or vilifies that other person on the basis of that other person's race, religion, colour, sexual orientation, descent or national or ethnic origin."

How you going here?

Jones waded insensitively into the Goodes debate and his comments should concern the Trust.

Goodes is very much a fit and proper person to be an Ambassador, and is, rightly, an Australian of the Year.

The SCG Trust, for its own integrity cannot have Jones sit on it. A report on Thursday has it that former Swans chairman Richard Colless, a current member of the SCG Trust, has made exactly that point to Jones. But it needs Premier Mike Baird – a good man, who gets it – to act.

Get rid of him, Premier. It is up to you.

Time to act on policy

The Shaun Kenny-Dowall case, and the NRL? I don't get it. I mean, I absolutely understand that in a criminal case, you are innocent until proven guilty. But as I have said many times before, the standard of proof required for bringing the game into disrepute is a whole lot less than that, and who can argue that Kenny-Dowall has already done that, by being up on ten charges of domestic violence, including charges occasioning actual bodily harm?? You with me? These charges - those he has pleaded innocent to all of them - are extremely grave. And yet the response from the league has been appalling. First up, we have have had bulk hand-wringing from the Roosters club, expressing solidarity with the accused, the hope that he will be OK after his "tough time", that he will recover etc . . . and, so far, not a word that I have heard, expressing sympathy or even concern for the young woman involved? The second is a "welcome back", from both the Roosters and the NRL for him to play after just three weeks off. What? Andrew Fifita gets, quite rightly, six weeks stood down – no questions asked, no police involved – for abusing a referee, with no physical hurt involved, and yet Kenny-Dowall gets just three weeks, when it is the belief of the NSW Police that he repeatedly hit and hurt a woman. This is unacceptable. It is one thing for the NRL to have commendable policies and and all the right words when it comes to countering domestic violence, to commendably being part of the White Ribbon campaign against domestic violence, but quite another when the time comes to put those policies into practice.

Turner's knocks

And the same applies to what the NRL is pleased to call their "concussion policy". They have all the right protocols, and all the right words. In practice, it is completely hopeless. I cite, specifically, the Rabbitohs' Kyle Turner. He suffered three serious concussions last year, including one just a fortnight before the grand final. One serious one at the beginning of this year. Another serious one last week. And yet he will take his place in the Rabbitohs line-up this week. Madness. And if he got hit and badly hurt this week, his legal case against both Souths and the NRL would be bullet-proof. They know he has been concussed. They know he is susceptible, right now, to enormous damage to being put in a position where he might get concussed again, and yet in he goes. On their heads be it, for not providing his head with the protection it so urgently needs.

What they said

"Throw another wimp on the barbie . . ." Headline from the UK Sun, after Australia's collapse in the first innings of the fourth Test.

The English crowd, to the Australian supporters, rub it in: "God save YOUR gracious Queen . . . long to reign over YOU." Sigh. We are going to fix that.

Michael Clarke on the shot that lost him his wicket. "I was thinking 'if he pitches it up I'm going to hit it as far as I can. You live by the sword, you die by the sword." Funny he should say that.

Clarke: "Nothing went right at all today, that's for sure. But also as captain you need to be as positive as you can be and understand that it's day one down in a Test match. There's still a lot or time left in this Test. We've just got to play out of our skins." Delusional? Discuss.

Adam Goodes back at training: "I definitely wasn't in the right frame of mind to play last week against the Crows. It's incredibly humbling to be honest. The fans have been absolutely amazing and fans from other clubs representing and showing their support has been quite humbling as well . . . I felt very loved over the weekend."

Adam Gilchrist tweets: "Adam Goodes. A great footballer. A great Australian. Thank you for educating me." And thank you, Adam, for speaking up, when so many others are hiding under the bed.

Mick Fanning, on 60 Minutes, on his first embrace with his mother, on returning home, after tangling with a shark: "Normally, I don't do the long extended hugs, but I was pretty happy to take that one."

Gorden Tallis on Rabbitoh Kyle Turner, who has just had his fifth serious concussion in the last year, this one in his first match back for five months: "If that's my son, I ask him to retire." If that was my club, I retire him on grounds of my duty of care.

Sophie Richardson, the Human Rights Watch's China director on China getting the nod for the 2022 Winter Olympics: "The Olympic motto of higher, faster, and stronger is a perfect description of the Chinese government's assault on civil society: more peaceful activists detained in record time, subject to far harsher treatment. In choosing China to host another Games, the IOC has tripped on a major human rights hurdle."

Roy Keane slams Arsenal players for being too focused on selfies: "There's too many Arsenal players interested in selfies, I think, whatever they are ... Instead of focusing on winning Premier League titles, it's all about how their bodies look, how their hair is, more so than winning football matches, which is the way things are going ..."

Cristiano Ronaldo on what he talks about with his teammates: "About music, about women, about fashion, about shoes, about suitcases/bags, about jewellery, about haircuts ... any more?"

Ronaldo asked whether he and his teammates talk about FIFA, or about the World Cup being in Qatar? "This is bulls--t. Speak about FIFA? I don't care about FIFA. And Qatar ... I don't give a f---."

Emily Seebohm on winning the 100m backstroke at the world championships, her first individual gold medal at a major international meet: "It's the best feeling I have experienced. I won't be sleeping tonight." Bravissima. And, clearly, no Stillnox!

Willie Mason, after Souths' Kyle Turner gets picked, AGAIN, after being knocked motherless, AGAIN, last week: "If you get knocked out in boxing you've got a mandatory three months out. Steve Matai two weeks ago was out cold and he couldn't pass the test last week, now this week he's fine. You've got all these brain surgeons out there saying professional boxers aren't allowed to box for three months with a trauma to the brain like that yet we can just go out and play probably one of the most ferocious physical games in the world."

Team of the Week

Stuart Broad. Bloody Hell. In just nine overs, the English fast bowler took 8-15. And in the 111 deliveries bowled by England for the first innings, just eight were on the stumps. Australia did not even last long enough for the Twenty20 format!

S. Undries. Should be moved up the order in the Australian line-up, having been top scorer in the first innings.

English cricket team. After extraordinary win in the fourth Test, they win the Ashes. (And you're right – at the time of writing it hasn't actually happened yet. But it will).

Bonnie Doon Golf Club. Two of their young guns in Troy Moses and Austin Bautista, have both fired at the same time, to qualify for the US Amateur.

Arsene Wenger. On the 14th attempt, finally achieved victory over Jose Mourinho. "Greatest show on Turf," English Premier League begins tonight. Be still my beating heart.

Cronulla. Rising and rising up the ladder and now in fifth spot, but then again they've done this plenty of times before.

Wallabies. First of two straight games against the All Blacks tonight in Sydney. With Rugby World Cup in just six weeks, great litmus test for them. For them to avenge the cricketers, and find some silverware for our national mantelpiece!

Emily Seebohm and Mitch Larkin. The Australian swimmers both won the 100m backstroke at the world championships. As if you didn't know, Australia hasn't won Olympic gold in the backstroke since David Theile in 1960.

Ultimate Frisbee. Has been recognised by the IOC as a sport. The egg and spoon race can't be far behind.

Greater Western Sydney Giants. Two more wins and they could make the eight. Will they get one of them tomorrow against a battered Essendon?

Beijing. When it hosts the 2022 Winter Olympics, will become the first city to host both a Summer and Winter Games – and all in a span of just 14 years.

Rob McCarron. Today marks a special milestone for the Wallabies supporter and rugby tragic, from Gunnedah. It is his 100th Test as a spectator, beginning in 1968 as a 13-year-old with Ken Catchpole's unfortunate last outing at the SCG.