It was a form of self-preservation. And, in doing so, she was refusing to let the man who had torn her family apart continue to control her life. 

So when she found a mugshot of convicted killer Stephen Edward Saari staring back at her in print and online this week, it brought back all the emotions of 15 years ago.

Saari, now 56, shot and killed Mrs Doig’s 18-year-old son, Daniel Ryan, in a drunken rage at Rathmines in 2000. 

He was released on parole in 2013, but has breached his conditions and is on the run.

‘‘I felt sick in the stomach when I saw it,’’ Mrs Doig told the Newcastle Herald on Friday. ‘‘It was like seeing him in the flesh again; like a festering wound under the surface that won’t go away.

‘‘This photo makes it real again. It’s an intrusion back into my life. 

‘‘It really was quite a wake-up call and scary to think that he still has that control. 

‘‘Not only did he murder my son, but he is still controlling my life and controlling my emotions.

‘‘I always say I’m not going to let that man have any part of me, but he does every time I see that photo.’’

But despite her pain, Mrs Doig now wants more people to see Saari’s face – as many as possible until he is caught. 

It came as a shock a month ago when Mrs Doig received a call to say Saari had breached his parole. 

‘‘I remember feeling mixed emotions,’’ she said.

 ‘‘I was excited, happy, thrilled, scared. We expected he would soon be arrested, but a week went past and then two weeks and we didn’t hear anything.

‘‘I didn’t want it to be forgotten. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t pushed to the side. 

‘‘I know there are hundreds of people out there with arrest warrants and to some people, he is just another number. But he is not a number to me; he is the murderer of my son.’’ 

Daniel George Ryan was shot and killed by Saari in a garage in Stirling Street at Rathmines on June6, 2000.

Saari, a recovering alcoholic who lapsed back into drinking a week before the killing, had moved into the home of partner Loretta Conlon in 1998.

Saari would visit a friend, Gregory Hudson, regularly in nearby Stirling Street. 

Court documents said a group of men, including Daniel, would meet regularly in a self-contained shed at the same address. That arrangement turned sour after Saari falsely accused Daniel of theft.

On June4, 2000, Saari, fuelled by alcohol, had argued with Ms Conlon and assaulted another person, prompting police to be called.

The following day, Ms Conlon ended their relationship.

On June6, Saari went on another drinking binge at the Stirling Street garage, where he was accompanied by six others, including Daniel.

Saari accused the group of ‘‘turning’’ on him.  He picked up a .357 Smith and Wesson magnum six-shot revolver, walked up to Daniel and pointed it at his head, saying: ‘‘I’m going to shoot this f----- c---’’.

Saari then lowered the gun and shot Daniel in the lower side of the chest, before pointing the gun, which still contained five bullets, at the other men present,  asking: ‘‘Do you want to die?’’

In the NSW Supreme Court in 2001, Saari received a prison sentence of 16 years, with a 12-year non-parole period. 

And at Saari’s parole hearing in 2013, Mrs Doig read an emotional victim impact statement and successfully applied to have stringent parole conditions imposed on him.

They included that he not be able to enter the Newcastle or Lake Macquarie local government areas and not be around alcohol, drugs or firearms. 

Saari breached one of these conditions and has since disappeared. 

Now his victim’s family just want him returned to jail. 

‘‘It would be such a relief,’’ Mrs Doig said.  ‘‘Just to know that he can’t touch any of us and can’t hurt anyone else.’’

Anyone who sees Saari or believes they know his whereabouts is urged to call triple-0 immediately.

Newcastle Herald