We begin with the aftermath of Anna and Joel's elimination. Devastated at the prospect of going several days without seeing people whom they recently met, the campers' mood is grim. Freddie, whose name is actually Andrew, waxes philosophical on the world's prioritising of superficial appearances. At least that's what I think he was talking about. Between his attempts at making a serious point, and the distraction of his haircut, it's pretty difficult to discern accurately.

But of course, no show can sustain itself entirely on subdued conversations and extended silences – as much as it might want to – and so to the Tucker Trial. Barry confronts the "Lord of the Pies" – a challenge wherein he must, without using his hands, develop a devastating allegory using the corruption of childhood innocence to illustrate the flimsiness of civilisation's veneer masking mankind's innate savagery.

Yeah nah, actually he just has to use his mouth to chuck some pies covered in gross worms and stuff around, while flies attack him. So in a way he is illustrating the flimsiness of civilisation's veneer, or at least the flimsiness of this show's premise. It seems quite likely that at some point during this challenge Barry has eaten at least one worm, so nobody can say his post-footy career is going badly. In fact it turns out the one-time premiership captain is extremely good at picking things out of invertebrate-ridden pies with his mouth, so a new career may indeed beckon.

Later on Maureen skulks creepily around Barry while he's having a shower and lets him know she can totally get him a job as a movie star, in the most disturbing mating ritual seen in the African jungle since David Attenborough's Life Of Insects.

Next Maureen is off with Freddie, whose name is Andrew, to get a chest by climbing a big fake spiderweb and taking keys from big fake spiders because hey, gotta pass the time somehow. Freddie, whose name is Andrew, his eyes wide and shining with the light of true madness, seems to think the true purpose of the task is to perform a reboot of Carry On Up The Jungle, wooing Maureen with a barrage of double entendres, but sadly ignorant of the fact that her heart belongs to Barry. "You know that's my microphone pack, Maureen," he chuckles, hilariously. "I thought you were climaxing," he twinkles, with that combination of Northern charm and aggressive sexual harassment that has made him so popular with viewers around the country.

After a brief and frightening bondage scene between Julia and Chris, the chest is opened to reveal a photo of Catriona Rowntree and some Vegemite, both acquired tastes. The non-Australians turn out to like the Vegemite, but their views on Catriona Rowntree are not canvassed.

There then follows a deep and meaningful conversation between Barry and Chrissie, about life, feelings, the purpose of existence. It shows us Barry's thoughtful, tender side, and reality TV's slow-moving, dull side. Chris and Julia note how contestants feel the experience of being on the show has improved them, which Chris says is "nice", although he may have meant to say "inexplicable".

The show, which is not over yet against all temporal evidence, now moves on to dinnertime, where Chrissie says she notices that Merv's not here, which seems a bit slow of her. "Was that the last supper for one of our celebrities?" asks Chris, even though he knows that it was, because there's about to be an elimination. Unless he meant it literally, in which case it's a bit of a long shot.

Into the clearing come the attractive hosts, mocking the dirty, tired campers with their beauty. The eliminated celebrity might be Barry. It might be Maureen. This means a glorious and nauseating romance is about to be ended before it even began, thank God. And the eliminated celebrity is…

Maureen! Yes, just like the Bradys' dog Tiger, Maureen is out of here, and the camp is now entirely populated by Commonwealth subjects, as we'd all hoped it would be. We view a montage of Maureen's most memorable moments, such as they are. Then we view another one. Maureen's stay on the show has been a montage-intensive one indeed. After this, there's only the matter of the post-elimination interview, which is, as far as I know, still going on. But the real question is, who will win the grand final? Powerful-yet-cuddly Barry? Cuddly-yet-powerful Chrissie? Or Freddie-yet-actually-Andrew Freddie? You'll have to watch to find out! Or see it on Twitter or whatever.