Josh Reynolds has revealed the extent of his despair at the abuse directed at him and his family last month, but says the ordeal had equipped him for the rest of his career in the spotlight.
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After playing in the rot-stopping NSW State of Origin series win the Canterbury five-eighth felt the full force of the drawbacks of life as a Gen-Y footballer after an inflammatory performance against Brisbane led to him being not only suspended but targeted on social media.
The 25-year-old wears his heart on his sleeve and was hurt deeply by the attacks, particularly by suggestions his ego was out of control in the wake of the successful Origin campaign.
However, as he readies himself for a second grand final, Reynolds believes the post-Origin criticism of him and club and state teammate Trent Hodkinson has left him hardened to deal with whatever is thrown at him for the rest of his time in the NRL.
"The thing that hurt me the most was saying I had changed as a person," he said. "People saying I was getting a big head, I don't know where that was coming from.
"Anyway, you have to cop it. I think it has made myself and Trent better people. I have grown some thick skin now. I have probably learnt to deal with if it ever comes around again.
"Say whatever you want to me. I only go off what my family and friends think of me. All them were sticking by me. At stages, there were some things being said that weren't on. That's life, you have to roll with the punches."
Reynolds, rubbed out for three weeks for kicking the Broncos' Sam Thaiday and tripping Ben Barba in the same game and earlier suspended for another three matches for a shoulder charge on Will Chambers in Origin III, confirmed the abuse was directed not only at himself but at family members.
"That's the joys of social media. It is a crazy world out there," Reynolds said.
"If anything, it probably brought us together a bit. I would say to my mum, you can't worry. I was trying to show my feelings that it didn't worry me, because she was worried for me. I was trying to be strong for her. Now we have come out of it. That's what it is all about. It's a roller-coaster. You have to take those things. You have to take the highs and lows. Hopefully it makes me a better person.
"For me, football is the outlet. I come into training and see all these boys – that's when your mind is off it. It's a great thing to be able to go and do something you love. It took my mind off it. I would go to training and it would still be on your mind, but you have your mates there and they make you laugh. They do things to make your life a bit easier. That's what happened to me. I loved coming into training and ripping in because it was a weird time for me – I wasn't playing and that's what hurt me the most."
Bulldogs coach Des Hasler was an important figure in the feisty playmaker getting his mojo back and helping steer Canterbury towards what would be an unlikely premiership.
"I feel I can hold my head high," Reynolds said. "Don't take that in a bad way. As a person I feel I have moved forward, I have moved past that stuff. I am sure everyone here has made mistakes in their life. A quote Dessie said to me was it's not how hard you get knocked down, it's how hard you get back up."
